I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
