My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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