Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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