He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
