I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
