Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
