oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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