They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
