Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
