I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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