Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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