Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
