girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
