I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
