I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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