We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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