Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
