I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That accounts for only three of the penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
