No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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