you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
