I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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