sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
