Where are you?
In a non slutty way
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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