The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
