How drunk are you??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."