I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.