i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor