I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3