we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
