I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
