Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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