You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
