Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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