I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
