I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
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How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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