His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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