i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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