Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
