Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
