where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
