I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
