So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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