New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So squirting runs in the family.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
