hell yes lets make some ravioli
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
