Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
