i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
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Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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