its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
