Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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