I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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