Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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