Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
