I bet he comes in French.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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