y did u give ur computer a hand job?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize