Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
