Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize