i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
