he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
