Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
