Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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