i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
